Describing the initial portion and expectations of the Kenosis Meditation via my own personal lens.
With the end of Lent, I get the opportunity to look back upon it and see the successes and failures during this season of spiritual endeavors. I took a rather different approach this year, more akin to last year, on the focus of what we were to “give up” for Lent. It sounds nice and easy to do items where you tell yourself that you’ll start praying more, you’ll start that diet, or maybe an exercise routine. However, I’ve found that adding things onto your life during Lent doesn’t always work out as intended. It’s one more thing to do that you haven’t been doing to begin with… so why would you start now?
For my particular practice, I decided to be subtractive. To remove things. Not to do more, but to do less. This manifested itself in a few ways. Primarily via fasting of food, music, games, etc. But most importantly in a practice I’ve come to call “Kenosis Meditation”. I’ve listed this practice and what it entails in the “Practices” section of this website, should you be curious.
In a brief summary, the Kenosis Meditation is a type of meditation/prayer that involves emptying yourself out physically and mentally, and more or less “existing” exclusively within this meditative state. In this, I mean that there’s no specific words, no specific gestures, no specific techniques. You quite literally meditate with the sole purpose of existing and emptying yourself of your needs, wants, and thoughts.
This specific practice is intended to be unmediated, between you and God. There’s no ritual or authority substitutes for sitting down and doing it. You remain ultimately responsible for the relationship that builds here. You can seek notes from others who’ve walked this path, but it’s you who has to take the steps forward. Sanctifying your life and receiving grace from the sacraments are all beneficial, but by themselves they are tools given to you to do the work.
From the beginning of Lent all the way until Good Friday, I had about 30 of these meditative sessions, and I wanted to share my findings, experiences and progression through these sessions. This is in order to show someone else who might be following this path that they are experiencing familiar territory and providing it in a modern language that is more direct and understandable.
Environment:
The setup of your environment works in two methods: Internally and Externally. You need to both prepare yourself physically and mentally before beginning this kind of practice, as well as finding a suitable location to practice consistently. The key here is maintaining a consistent environment where this practice can foster. Here are examples of what I’ve done thus far:
Internal
Noise. There is so much noise in the world. Removing as much noise from your life as possible allows you to listen to the subtle intricacies that are quiet, but still present. As mentioned above, I removed a lot of these sources of noise from my life during Lent. Music and Games being big ones. You can also include things such as News, because it follows the same pattern. But this noise keeps you distracted and becomes overwhelming. At first, removing these things seems daunting and existing in a state of silence can be difficult. The reality of ultimate responsibility that you face in silence becomes easier and more palatable with time and practice.
Eating is another noise factor but can be treated differently because you need to eat at the end of the day. Fasting or at least not having a big meal before attempting to practice is advised, because the noise generated by digestion distracts the body. The heavier the foods the bigger the distraction. This translates into just eating healthier and planning your meals around the practice. I prefer practicing in the morning for this reason, since I’ve been fasted all night and I’ve not been bombarded with the inputs from work/life that would occur throughout the day and cause a type of “systemic fatigue” at the end of the day.
To expand to some other examples, I considered the things that take your attention from you. Whether it’s social media, news, games, music, pornography, drugs, excessive eating, YouTube, any of the doom scrolling items, relationship problems, etc.
Whatever I do not explicitly need (be honest), I began either removing or reducing it from my life for the sake of this practice. Historically speaking, this would be referred to as the purification process. It may not be as ritually rigorous as history might make it sound, but simplifying your life by removing sources of noise is a fundamental aspect that is conducive to the practice.
External
Similarly, noise is also a main concern externally as well. The stimulus and input you receive from the environment around you plays a big part in your ability to relax and meditate. Picking a room that’s dark, quiet, and comfortable will be conducive to the practice, because it aims to remove as many potential roadblocks as possible. I’ve had problems with dogs barking, lights on, being cold, being warm, etc that I’ve worked through and identified over the course of the month of practicing.
Part of this setup includes the need for privacy. You’ll want to be able to be undisturbed for at least an hour. So it’s important to discuss this with partners, colleagues, kids, etc on a set “Quiet Time”. This practice is common within seminaries and monasteries where a dedicated quiet time is necessary to create an environment. You’ll find this equally necessary for your own setup, wherever that might be.
For your actual manner of how you meditate, this is entirely up to you. As noted, you’ll want to be comfortable and not have any pain points. As such, I’ve taken to laying down as my primary meditative position. Experimenting with seiza sitting, half lotus, crescent pillow, etc have produced some form of discomfort for extended periods of time. If one of those works for you, then great. My setup is a ThermaRest sleeping mat used for camping and a pillow. If you want incense, use it, if not, it’s not necessary. Whatever makes it comfortable for you.
Beyond that, it’s quite simple. Consistent comfortable setting combined with noise reduction and you have more or less the ideal setup.
Phenomena:
It’s worth first noting that there are various phases of practice. From my experience thus far, I’ve uncovered and labeled a few, but I feel that these are but a few amongst many. The phases sometimes have distinct changes or sometimes they become more subtle. Initially, they may seem random but with time the space becomes more consistent. But roughly mapped, this is what I’ve encountered thus far:
Waking Life > Body Relaxation > Stillness Phase > Vibrational Cycles > Waiting Room
The various phases have their own phenomena that occur. Starting out, it was hard to determine what was where or even where you are in the practice. Even as you continue practicing, some of the phenomena disappear and new ones take their place.
The point is that the phenomena itself isn’t the goal, but rather a marker along the path you are taking.
Body Relaxation
This is initially the most challenging part of the entire practice. In modern life, we’re expected to be moving or doing something at all times. This even extends to when sitting and supposedly doing nothing. This emerges as a desire to be entertained or preoccupied. Most commonly it’s the need to watch a show, scroll through a feed, play a game, whatever. During this phase, the initial hump is just being able to lay down with nothing but yourself.
Phenomena wise, it varies because there’s a lot of initial ground to cover here. Initially it can be the whirlwind of thoughts. The body has nothing else to do or occupy itself with so it decides to bring up a multitude of seemingly random and sometimes uncomfortable thoughts. Letting them pass and turn to dust is what has been effective for me.
Continuing further once you get into a deeper state of relaxation and approaching the Stillness Phase there are more notable things that occur that would normally be considered unusual.
To start, there are perceptual anomalies that occur within your field of vision and sometimes beyond it. These range from sources of light, to objects, mental video imagery, and changes in your point of view. A few examples from my notes include “dark orb with a white and blue outer ring”, “dark waves of water”, “sunlight peeking through a tree canopy”.
The first part “within your field of vision” naturally makes sense. Something that’s right in front of you. But, then I have the follow-up “beyond it”. A handful of times there have been sources of light that seem to be oriented behind me, like a car behind you with its brights on. Or above me, similar to the sun on a bright day. You’re not seeing the source directly, but seeing the rays of light emanating from that source.
The next is a somatic sensation that occurs when the body is approaching being asleep while the mind is still awake. This is referred to as “sleep paralysis” and is the feeling of numbness that overcomes some or all of the body as it approaches a regular sleep cycle. Under normal circumstances, you’d be falling asleep with it. But in this case, it is a practice of maintaining the mental faculties beyond this point and existing solely in your interior.
Stillness Phase
The arrival at this point is sometimes subtle and sometimes specific. Other times it seems that I’ve settled in and jumped right to the next phase almost skipping this one. However, this was only after numerous sessions of successfully reaching this phase consistently.
After the body has settled and the physical lights go out you’re left with nothing more than you and your thoughts. But even the thoughts seem to naturally calm down as well as certain imagery mentioned previously.
What’s most unique during my experiences is that everything seems to become still and quiet at this point. Even your breathing patterns. Whereas in the initial relaxation you’re breathing intentionally with solid and smooth inhales and exhales, here, my breath lightens to almost becoming imperceptible unless I focus upon it.
In this phase you can choose to specifically focus on and think about things without the additional chatter of the mind. Work through problems, address feelings, or just exist within it. When you exist within it after some time, you begin feeling new sensations arise.
Vibrational Cycles
At an indeterminate point in the Stillness Phase, a concerning feeling envelops the body. The sense of electricity, a buzz, or a vibration begins to occur. It started as a belt of electricity across my chest that would come and go in cycles at least up to 5 times. Other times it’s all encompassing and it feels as if the entire body is alive with electricity.
It can be quite uncomfortable as this is something I’ve never felt anywhere else before. Sarcastically, I’d say to touch a low voltage live wire with both hands to equate the feeling to something. But the localization across the chest and then eventually to the entire body is unique and startling the first time you experience it and even a bit unnerving in consecutive practice sessions. It will likely be similar in the sense that with more practice, you become accustomed to the sensation, more attuned, and not bothered by it.
This eventually fades and you return back to a state of existing in what seems like empty space. However, there’s a quality about it that’s different that I can’t quite describe. Perhaps my breathing shifts slightly, a gained clarity, or a further emptying of the space as I wait for something that I know not what it might be.
Waiting Room
There’s nothing here that I’ve observed yet. It’s as if you’ve gotten past a gate and there’s nothing on the other side. I’ve perhaps felt some slight internal movement, which is distinct as my body has been more or less asleep for the duration of the practice. Sometimes it feels as if being pulled in a direction. Other times it’s as if you moved to your side to get comfortable. But physically, none of this is actually happening. It remains an internal, almost separate structure that’s being moved from within your regular body.
I still have more practice to do to further experience things at this threshold and perhaps see what, if anything is beyond it. I’ve presently dubbed it as the ‘Waiting Room’ because it’s similar to the Stillness Phase, but even the Stillness Phase had something beyond it. So, I’m waiting to see, by continued practice, what potentially lies beyond.
As I learn and experience more, this name will likely change, or perhaps it will stay the same. There’s only one way to find out: practice.
Current Internal Disposition:
From the beginning of this practice at the start of Lent to my current time of writing, I’ve experienced shifts in my perception towards life that I can directly attribute to beginning and working through this practice. Not everything can be enumerated adequately nor can the quality of presence be described in a manner that would do it justice. But, it’s worth stating that the subtractive qualities both in and outside of the practice have led me to a place of deeper love, gratitude, and general contentment with life and those around me.
As such, I’ve found this Lenten practice to be something of value that I’ve built into a habit that I wish to pursue well outside of Lent. Ultimately, I think that should be the point of every Lenten practice: making habitual the subtractions that allow the real life underneath to shine through.
As always, thank you, ~Michaelion